May 09, 2008
Sabrina on the loose?
A report early this morning suggests that Sabrina (hopefully we don’t need to provide much biography for the only woman who can claim to be on a first name basis with entire generations of Amherst students) is once again on the loose, and in the hands of the even-year classes.
Sabrina has been in the hands of the College administration for several decades, making occasional appearances at College events, but according to a note posted this morning on the Daily Jolt,
“Some time ago, a few of your fellow classmates crept into a bunker, hidden in the mountains around our valley, and absconded the beautiful goddess. We cannot, of course, disclose our identities just yet, nor can we display Sabrina publicly, for fear that the administrative forces of the College will work fervently to repossess her. (Although, really, it wouldn’t disappoint us if they recognize the fun of this tradition and let us off the hook…)”
The supposed statue liberators note that
“…as some of you may know, many years ago Sabrina was cruelly decapitated at the hands of pranksters among the Williams Ephs. Although her head was reattached by a subsequent Amherst class, the scars are still apparent, and her head is loosening once more. Therefore Sabrina will be traveling throughout the Northeast during senior week, visiting alums from ‘E classes, and posing with them in photos in exchange for a small donation toward the Sabrina Recapitation Fund. This summer we will use those funds to give Sabrina the healing treatment she deserves at the hands of a professional bronze craftsman.”
It’s also worth noting that, like any other college girl with topless photos floating around the internet, Sabrina now has a Facebook profile, where she lists among her “favorite books” both Passages of Time: Narratives in the History of Amherst College by Doug Wilson ‘62 and Chicken Soup for the Bronze Statuette’s Soul.
Parker Morse '96 | May 9, 2008 11:57 AM | Amherstiana
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